"As I Wait For You." Meaning a specific person, someone who is meant for me. I am waiting not on an imaginary person but someone real. Most of the time though, its hard to remember that when you're around your friends who are having all of these guys in and out their lives. I know that I'm waiting on a certain man, sometimes I imagine him. I even wrote a poem about this mystery man. (Actually multiple poems....but I'm only posting one and its an excerpt)
"His lips will say my name like a prayer to God
Of thanks, not a secret to the Savior,
Rather a testimony
Of where he was and where he is.
His skin will be soothing
Reminding one of the beauties they take for granted every day.
Hot chocolate—
How a sip can warm you in a blizzard.
A pencil—
How everything is sketched in black, white, and grey
And is still beautiful.
His hands will hold all my secrets
Callouses gripping onto me
So that I can feel him where ever I am.
His fingertips will trace secret initials onto scalp
So he will always be on my mind.
He will teach me
He will learn me
I will never stop losing myself in his mosaic mind.
He will be worth waiting for
a poem
I wrote in faith a long time ago."
See I have decided to have a standard, I literally have a list of qualities I want in a guy. I'm open to give or take but I can't compromise on the type of love I want.. This poem is about love. I have been guarding my heart for 19 years. Like I'm 19 and have never had a boyfriend. Some people think I'm crazy but I don't plan on dating without the intention of marriage. I don't see the point. And believe me even though I'm sounding reaaaaal confident in the previous sentences. It gets so hard. I try to remind myself that I am waiting on a specific man of God. But waiting when you're in college ain't cute. Youth pastors never tell you that part. The point is waiting isn't just about not having sex, it's about guarding your heart and soul for the love God whats you to have. You cannot compromise on that.
I've only taken one guy seriously enough to even consider dating and I regret that. I was in a rough place in life....typical right? (This not my testimony though, that's for another blog) My mom didn't approve, my best friends who are Christians didn't approve, and my best friends who aren't even spiritual didn't approve. But I was so sure that he was meant for me that I was going out of my way to please him, when in the bible men go out of their way for the women they want.
But it's my fault. I let myself see what I wanted to see, instead of what God wanted for me. My mom recently did a teaching on Lot and how in a wicked generation (Gen. 11-14 and chapter 19) he was able to pick out the men of God. I need to be able to have Lot's vision and discern who is a man of God when approached by guys in this generation. That means I have to be approached by a man of God and pray about whether or not he is really about that life. It means I cannot be out here desperate. I have to be content in my singleness, and as of now I can say I truly am. I haven't always been though, and I'm content for now but when winter comes along and everyones coupled up I might be praying to God for a spirit of joy. But at least I'll be putting my energy into a God who has never forsaken me.
Really, it starts and ends with prayer; just talking to God. Also reminding yourself of what you want... make a list, make a couple lists; heck anything to encourage yourself that there is a person out there worth waiting for. But here is a song if you ever need encouragement to remind yourself that you aren't alone in this whole life waiting thing. Also subscribe, comment, and please be on the look out for "The Youth of Today on Waiting" Girls and Guys edition. I'm surveying all types of people religious and non on their viewpoints.
Wow! This was truly inspiring and as usual completely honest! I myself can identify with what you said about being content in singleness- though I'm not quite there yet. Sometimes it seems so difficult especially when we look at our generation but God has our backs! Also the poem was pure dopeness! Keep it up- I' looking forward to future posts! :-)
ReplyDeleteWow, love this too. It's amazing how connected we can be. That was actually what the msg was about in church today "being connected" with God and the body of believers in Christ. Any-who, I can feel everything you wrote in my own way. I'm 25, still a virgin, and have never been in a relationship. There's been one guy, that I thought...hoped would be the one. It still hurts sometimes, but I believe and my mom has always taught me that what God has for me will be mine. I've learned so much and have avoided so much pain by being obedient to God. Honestly waiting (sexually) hasn't been tough for me....but, emotionally, being such a hopeless romantic lol, it can get tough, especially as I age. I'm happy to say that I am content in my singleness because the thought of compromising and hurting God's hurt and myself is not a pleasant one. I'd much rather wait on God than lean to my own understanding only to end up in disaster. Sorry for the book sis, awesome post. God bless you :-)
ReplyDeleteExcuse the typos, I meant hurting God's "heart"
ReplyDelete"He'll be worth waiting for
ReplyDeletea poem
I wrote in faith a long time ago"
You got bars shawty. :)
This topic is something unheard of in our society, in our universities, in our high schools, and in truth. I'm happy you've made a decision to make someone hear it; whether on paper or on-line, this still speaks. Your conviction is inspiring and I pray young women looking up to you may feel the same way. May God use you in your endeavors. Remember, content is more important than structure, than appealing language,than performance. Never compromise content for any of these. When God uses you, he'll give you the words. No confusion in God's work. Love you my dear!
ReplyDeleteit's really refreshing you're taking a stand in what you believe and want! you don't see too many young people making a stand and saying i'm going to wait to not only have sex until marriage but to also guard my heart until the right person God wants me to have comes along. i admire your faith and strength and your daniel like mindset! I love you sarah!
ReplyDelete