Whats In Your Box?

Has someone ever told you something like, “Oh you’re going places?” “If you only knew where you are going…” I have always felt slightly irritated after hearing that. Like really bro? OBVIOUSLY I DON’T KNOW WHERE IM GOING! I am probably messing up the entire pathway to this destination that you speak of. But lately people keep saying this to me….really they have always said this and I know it is horrible but the more and more I hear things like that, the more skeptical I am. I know I don’t know anything. I know I am not anything without God. That is all I know for sure.

Ask me what I’m doing tomorrow I can tell you what I’m going to try and do. I’m gonna try and sin as least as possible and see myself as beautiful. That has been my goal all summer. Will it happen? I’m not sure… someone might come up to me and say “you’re gonna be a mighty woman of God” ooookaaayyy. I receive that. But think of all the pressure of trying to become that…. I have dealt with pressure and expectation. I have succeeded and failed. Pressure scares me. Yes basically through these blogs you’ll learn I am a giant soft scaredy cat. It’s fine.

Growing up in church I always felt like people expected a lot from me…like my mom is awesome…so people expected me to pray like her and worship like her. That pressure just made me wanna hide in the back and sneak out to the water fountain. Honestly, if I  am half the woman my mother is I’ll be satisfied. But God has called me to be something completely different. Me being scared to do God’s work because I might not measure up is a pretty weak excuse for sitting down right? Right. I was weak. I still am weak.

I have poems all inside of me but I am too scared to pick up a pen and write them down. I want to give God glory but if I sit down and try to write about Him and it isn’t as good as a regular poem I wrote before, what does that say about me? Am I a horrible Christian? Am I not trying? Honestly I’m not sure yet. All I know is that I want to give my best to God, but this fear I have holds me back a lot. For me to be scared to write….that’s the worst thing in the world for me.  Poetry is a form of worship for me. I love to lose myself in music and words and just think about how great God is. Like have you ever listened to some drums and wondered what happens in heaven when they’re played? I have.  But what goes on in heaven when I write a poem and slam? I have no clue. Too scared to think about it. (“Did she just get a seven? SMH David or Ezekiel would’ve gotten a thirty.”)

I wonder if that’s how the lady with alabaster box felt when she was trying to give her all to Jesus, if she was scared of what people were gonna say, or worried that she didn’t have enough to give? The thing is she did it anyway and was forgiven and honored. What are we hiding away in boxes that could be given to God but we are too scared to break them over His feet? Maybe you want to be a fashion designer, a rapper, a photographer, or a poet and you’re wondering “How can I even bring glory to God with this?”

If you try, God will use you for His glory. He will take you and cling to you. I know this. I am not about my testimony right now, but God will cling to you and give you favor when you least deserve it . Why? Because He is God.. That’s all the explanation He needs. I wonder what the world would look like if a group of youth were willing to give it all to God with no fears or regrets. Just trusting Him.  Isnt that what this is all about? Trusting and waiting on God? I know I am trying. And if you have the faith of a mustard seed it’ll move mountains….so let’s see what  mountains you move with God. Comment, subscribe, pray and share lovelies :)