Effortless is Not Real.

I know I have been GHOST for a minute, but life happens. I just moved in to my apartment and moved back on campus. I go to the University of Wisconsin Madison. Plus before that I was with my family in Florida, so it has been a while. But Seriously, I didn't forget about this blog. It really has been on my mind.

Going back to school or leaving for school is a scary thing. (You guys know how I am always scared about something) You leave everything familiar most times and try to stay a float. I'm going to be a sophomore and I am still trying to stay a float. College challenges you in all types of ways; your faith, your habits, your intelligence, and your endurance. A lot of people won't be able to deal with it. And that's fine. You're on your own for the first time almost and it is wild. 

For me the biggest thing about leaving home was not having someone to make me go to church..or rather someone physically there to hold me accountable. Plus not only that but I had to find a church i felt comfortable at to go to when I'm on campus. Like it's a real effort to go to church at college and my freshman year I was failing at putting in that effort. But being away from home made me realize no one can put effort into your relationship with God but you. 

You have to be able to pray for yourself and you have to be able to get up for church by yourself. Like that is still a struggle for me while I'm on campus but God is dealing with me on that. Especially what happens to me is I'll feel horrible after missing church and feel like I don't even deserve to be in God's presence after I mess like I do. Like for a couple days I didn't even wanna write the blog, like God wouldn't want to use me. Me? That girl who gets turnt up all the time? No. I'm gonna sit and watch Law and Order SVU all day.  But my friend told me this week " But someone could be missing out on their blessing if u hold back, so don't." 

And that's how great God is. He'll have someone tell you to get up off the couch and do His work. He will use you as you are. He will come to you as you are. Because he is that great. He will love you unconditionally. Mark 2:17 say He has come not for the righteous but for the sinners. (How many of you guys are sinners? Oh no one? mkay. Guess it's just me *hair flips*).

 Something I have been coming across in my studies, is steadfast love. steadfast love. 

It popped up four times so it was no longer a coincidence. Steadfast love is something powerful for both the giver and receiver. The receiver feels loved and special but the giver they feel humbled and sometimes it might hurt to give that steadfast love but they feel its worth it. 

Lately I've been adding steadfast love to my prayer list. Cuz you got too! But no, because it's something amazing to think about. all the love, grace, and mercy God must have to do that. I have to remind myself that at the end of the day no matter how good I did or if I messed up or whatever God is gonna love me just as much as He did before because God is the same and he'll love you the same. Psalms 103:3-5 says He'll crown you with mercy and love. How many men or women are gonna do that for you? No one. So if He is willing to put that effort into your relationship, then you should do the same back. 

No one can be in your relationship with God but you and God. Your mom can pray for you yeah  but sooner or later you're gonna have to pray for yourself. How else are you gonna get that covering for your future household. So lets start covering ourselves and putting in that effort because that is all it takes--is effort.

Lovelies keep me in your prayers, comment, subscribe, and share. :)

Whats In Your Box?

Has someone ever told you something like, “Oh you’re going places?” “If you only knew where you are going…” I have always felt slightly irritated after hearing that. Like really bro? OBVIOUSLY I DON’T KNOW WHERE IM GOING! I am probably messing up the entire pathway to this destination that you speak of. But lately people keep saying this to me….really they have always said this and I know it is horrible but the more and more I hear things like that, the more skeptical I am. I know I don’t know anything. I know I am not anything without God. That is all I know for sure.

Ask me what I’m doing tomorrow I can tell you what I’m going to try and do. I’m gonna try and sin as least as possible and see myself as beautiful. That has been my goal all summer. Will it happen? I’m not sure… someone might come up to me and say “you’re gonna be a mighty woman of God” ooookaaayyy. I receive that. But think of all the pressure of trying to become that…. I have dealt with pressure and expectation. I have succeeded and failed. Pressure scares me. Yes basically through these blogs you’ll learn I am a giant soft scaredy cat. It’s fine.

Growing up in church I always felt like people expected a lot from me…like my mom is awesome…so people expected me to pray like her and worship like her. That pressure just made me wanna hide in the back and sneak out to the water fountain. Honestly, if I  am half the woman my mother is I’ll be satisfied. But God has called me to be something completely different. Me being scared to do God’s work because I might not measure up is a pretty weak excuse for sitting down right? Right. I was weak. I still am weak.

I have poems all inside of me but I am too scared to pick up a pen and write them down. I want to give God glory but if I sit down and try to write about Him and it isn’t as good as a regular poem I wrote before, what does that say about me? Am I a horrible Christian? Am I not trying? Honestly I’m not sure yet. All I know is that I want to give my best to God, but this fear I have holds me back a lot. For me to be scared to write….that’s the worst thing in the world for me.  Poetry is a form of worship for me. I love to lose myself in music and words and just think about how great God is. Like have you ever listened to some drums and wondered what happens in heaven when they’re played? I have.  But what goes on in heaven when I write a poem and slam? I have no clue. Too scared to think about it. (“Did she just get a seven? SMH David or Ezekiel would’ve gotten a thirty.”)

I wonder if that’s how the lady with alabaster box felt when she was trying to give her all to Jesus, if she was scared of what people were gonna say, or worried that she didn’t have enough to give? The thing is she did it anyway and was forgiven and honored. What are we hiding away in boxes that could be given to God but we are too scared to break them over His feet? Maybe you want to be a fashion designer, a rapper, a photographer, or a poet and you’re wondering “How can I even bring glory to God with this?”

If you try, God will use you for His glory. He will take you and cling to you. I know this. I am not about my testimony right now, but God will cling to you and give you favor when you least deserve it . Why? Because He is God.. That’s all the explanation He needs. I wonder what the world would look like if a group of youth were willing to give it all to God with no fears or regrets. Just trusting Him.  Isnt that what this is all about? Trusting and waiting on God? I know I am trying. And if you have the faith of a mustard seed it’ll move mountains….so let’s see what  mountains you move with God. Comment, subscribe, pray and share lovelies :)